The Ceremony in Six Parts
Not recommended for binge watching
A B'nai Mitzvah Unfolds at a Park in Bend
•Kim Schneiderman welcomes everyone
•The boys score fashionable tallitot (around 8:00), Suzanne laments absence of Papa Carl and Grandma Judy
•Lots more singing, chanting, and reading
(Spoiler alert: warnings against adultery and coveting.)
A must-watch video!
What? You don't have 2 minutes?
The Sh'ma on the Saw
Never before seen on YouTube! (Seriously, Google it.)
TBT violinist Jo Booser busts out her saw for the b'nai mitzvah. Later (but not videotaped) she played Hava Nagila on the saw.
Prime Time: The Torah Service
•Suzanne reads from the Torah with Grandpa Julius' yad (12:00)
•Suzanne announces aliyot names (Find out: did you make the cut?)
•Ian explains, then reads his portion (14:50)
(Recap: Quit whining about your taxes.)
•Toby explains then reads his portion (24:15)
(Recap: Congress, do your job.)
•The boys get pelted with candy (32:09)
Haftarah and Speeches from Kathy and Rabbi Hershenson (in absentia)
•Toby nails his Haftarah (:25). SCORE!
•Ian nails his Haftarah (2:45). SCORE!
•Upon finishing, Ian blurts out "Yay!" (12:48)
•The Torah gets wrapped back up
•Kathy congratulates her students (8:24) and delivers the rabbi's remarks (11:07)
Paul and Suzanne Exceed Reasonable Time Allotment for Bar Mitzvah Speeches
•Paul address both boys (:06), makes reference to getting naked with a mohel in Encino (1:40)
•Paul speaks to Toby (2:18)
•Suzanne speaks to Toby (8:11)
•Paul speaks to Ian (14:50)
•Suzanne speaks to Ian (19:20)
Final Speeches and What Passes for the Hora in a Pandemic
•Paul offers many thank-yous (:14)
•Suzanne thanks TBT (2:48)
•The world's lamest Horah (11:18)